The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words … and common definitions to not so common words:
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
5. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
6. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
7. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
8. Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
9. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
10. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
11. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
12. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
12. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
13. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
14. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an #@$!**#@.
The Homa Files 
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