From ‘coffee’ to ‘ignoranus’ … some uncommon definitions.

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words … and common definitions to not so common words:

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

5. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

6. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

7. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

8. Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

9. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

10. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

11. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

12. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

13. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

14. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an #@$!**#@.

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