Mark Halperin – editor=at=large of thinly read, left-leaning Time magaine said on live TV that President Obama acted like a (blank) during his press conference yesterday.
Watch the clip to fill in the blank … worth watching.
Archive for the ‘Laughs’ Category
Move over, Richard Simmons …
June 30, 2011Wally the Walrus is latest fitness icon.
Click the pic for for a smile …
Get me a beer, Patches.
June 28, 2011From the HomaFiles human interest files …
Click the pic to see Patches go thru the drive-through, down a burger, and fetch a beer.
Worth a minute … but, only if you want to smile.
Stop thinking about Weinergate !
June 2, 2011Sorry, but my sophomoric side is relishing the Weiner-roast.
The headlines are hilarious: e.g. “Is that your weiner?”
Now, Congressman Weiner is telling people to forget about his weiner so he can get back to his serious Congressional business, e.g. his self-claim of sending out 300 to 400 tweets per day … which, incidentally, is about a tweet-a-minute.
The ”forget about it” strategy won’t work.
Here’s why, explained by Human Events
At this point, telling people not to think about Weinergate is like telling them not to think about a platypus.
As soon as the command is issued, a giant platypus begins crashing through the imagination of the listener.
(To clarify, that’s what happens when you tell people not to think about a platypus.
When you tell them not to think about Weinergate, an entirely different image is conjured.)
HomaFiles goes ‘human interest’ … Part 2
May 23, 2011This was the second of 2 VERY funny virals posted last Friday on the HomaFiles … some folks didn’t scroll down below the “Dog Tease” and missed it, so here it is again .. be sure that audio is turned on.
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http://sorisomail.com/email/74298/como-se-danca-o-merengue.html
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Reprise: Dog Tease
HomaFiles goes ‘human interest’ …
May 20, 2011These two virals are VERY funny .. be sure that audio is turned on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw
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http://sorisomail.com/email/74298/como-se-danca-o-merengue.html
Whew! Ronald dodges the bullet …
May 20, 2011Punch line: McDonald’s is standing by its clown … still another job ‘saved’ or created. But now, image consultants are dissing him.
* * * * *
Excerpted from WSJ: No Pink Slip for Ronald McDonald, May 20, 2011
The 48-year-old, red-haired mascot has come under fire from health-care professionals and consumer groups who, in recent days, have asked the fast-food chain to retire Ronald McDonald.
But McDonald’s CEO says, “Ronald McDonald is going nowhere.”
“Ronald McDonald is an ambassador for McDonald’s, and he is an ambassador for good.”
There’s no doubt that Ronald McDonald is well known. He ranks fourth in consumer awareness out of 2,800 celebrities.
“Ronald is recognized by more than 99% of U.S. consumers. Of course, just because consumers know someone doesn’t mean they like them or trust them.”
* * * * *
Some image consultants are beginning to question how relevant Ronald McDonald even is to kids anymore — and whether he has kept pace with McDonald’s own reinvention.
McDonald’s has modernized its image in recent years by remodeling restaurants … by selling frappes and fruit smoothies and by offering free wi-fi to customers.
“Mascots were heavily used in the mid part of the last century, but not so much anymore unless you’re an insurance company and you have a duck or a gecko or a caveman,”
“I’m not so sure Ronald is keeping up with where the brand is going. I question whether he’s still meaningful or a throwback to the last century.”
Oil CEOs sigh relief … spotlight shifts to Ronald McDonald
May 19, 2011Headline in the WSJ: McDonald’s Under Pressure to Fire Ronald
More than 550 health professionals and organizations have signed a letter to McDonald’s. asking the maker of Happy Meals to stop marketing junk food to kids and fire Ronald McDonald.
The campaign is organized by the nonprofit watchdog group Corporate Accountability International, which has also targeted tobacco companies and beverage makers like Coca-Cola and PepsiCo for the environmental impact of plastic bottles.
The letter from the health providers urges McDonald’s to cease marketing food high in salt, fat, sugar and calories to kids, from the use of Ronald McDonald to Happy Meal toys.
Some of the comments to the WSJ article:
- Unemployment among clowns will increase by one
- Toucan Sam & Captain Crunch better watch their backs
- Col. Sanders is probably rolling over in his grave.
- Wonder if there would be such a ruckus if the clown possessed union representation ?
- Clowns are increasingly creepy
- I urge more health care professionals to shut the h#ll up and wash their hands more!
- The “Eat Healthy” Obama White House Super Bowl Party menu: Bratwurst, Kielbasa, Cheeseburgers, Deep Dish Pizza, Buffalo Wings, Twice Baked Potatoes, Potato Chips, Ice Cream
- Michael Moore will make a movie “How to eat healthy foods” and will earn another $ 100.000.000 slamming the greedy capitalists.
Add your comments … best one wins a free Happy Meal.
Thanks to SMH for feeding the lead.
Carnival barkers cry ‘foul’ over Obama’s derogatory reference.
April 29, 2011When President Obama released his birth certificate on Wednesday morning, he remarked: “We’re not going to be able to solve our problems if we get distracted by sideshows and carnival barkers.”
In the process, Obama ended up starting a new controversy — with America’s carnival barkers
According to the Huffington Post:
Many in the carnival community were not amused by the mention of their industry.
The editor of Carnival Warehouse.com, a website dealing with the industry, thought the president should be more sensitive about singling out groups when making disparaging comments.
“I think what Obama said is the same type of stereotype that has been placed on African Americans.”
“You wouldn’t expect those comments from someone who is a minority and has faced prejudice.”
Major business school reviewing “enrollment procedures and criteria”
April 11, 2011The following email was recently sent by the Dean of Northwestern’s Kellogg School of Management.
In a nutshell: oops !
Subject: Message from the Dean
Dear Kellogg community –
I wanted to personally write to you about a situation that has received some attention.
During a visit to the U.S. two months ago, Khamis Gaddafi, son of Muammar Gaddafi, attended a non-degree executive course at Kellogg from Feb. 9 – 11 at the Allen Center.
The U.S. State Department was aware of his visit, which occurred prior to the uprising in Libya and before the recent, very troubling allegations against him surfaced.
Our community shares a commitment to respecting human dignity and the integrity of our learning environment.
The Office of the Dean plans to actively review all of our enrollment procedures and criteria, and will determine any changes that need to be made.
Dean, Kellogg School of Management
Northwestern University
Bottom line: Sons of tyrants will no longer be given admissions preference.
My, how the world is changing.
Thanks to RM for feeding the lead.
For sale: Diamond ring … $1 million … free shipping (I think)
March 28, 2011From Costco, of course … complementing their strategic thrust into wedding gear and services.
Move fast … only one in stock at this price.
NYC: Fight a ticket online …
March 24, 2011From Late Night With Jimmy Fallon:
“New York City has a new service that lets you fight a traffic ticket online. To make it feel like you’re talking to a real clerk, your computer will spend the whole time chewing gum and talking to a friend on the phone.”
… at least the computer won’t be getting fee healthcare and an oversized pension.
25 Guys to Avoid on Wall Street …
March 11, 2011 From CNBC’s NetNet …
25 Guys to Avoid on Wall Street
- Avoid the guy who calls you ‘Chief’. He doesn’t remember your name.
- Avoid the guy who went to Hotchkiss and Yale and wears Nantucket reds during the summer. He doesn’t think you belong.
- Avoid the dim-witted back-slapping managing director. He’s not as smart as you are—but he’s been throwing guys like you under the bus since you were in grade school.
- Avoid the consultant hired by the dumb managing director to do his math for him. Not only will he throw you under the bus, he’s smarter than you are.
- Avoid the guy who always wants you to be his alibi when he cheats on his wife. (“Hey man, is it cool if I tell Kathy that we’re going fly fishing in Canada this weekend?”). No, dude: It’s not cool.
- Avoid the guy who keeps failing the CFA Level 1. He’s looking for someone to blame.
- Avoid the girl who cries at her desk. (You can ignore my advice on this one—but either way, you won’t make that mistake twice.)
- Avoid the guy who offers his clients ‘a very special opportunity’ to invest in anything. He has a problem with cocaine.
- Avoid any man who has floppy hair after age 30—he’s a complete toolbox.
- Avoid the guy who throws his phone across the trading floor whenever his positions go south. He’s an angry dude, and the more time you spend with him the more reasons he’ll find to dislike you.
- Avoid anyone who tells you that you should relax and have a couple of drinks—at 9:15 on a Tuesday morning. You’re not cool enough to hang out with this guy.
- Avoid anyone who won’t relax and have a couple of drinks—at 9:15 on a Thursday night. They’re not cool enough to hang out with you—and ultimately they’ll resent you for it.
- Avoid any broker who tells you his client is going to DTC in 50MM in securities from Europe and he needs to borrow a C-Note. Just for the weekend. And this is the last time.
- Avoid the banker who never seems to close a deal but still manages to remain employed. He’s got something ugly on somebody—and you don’t want to be involved.
- Avoid anyone who tells you to ‘take one for the team’. He got where he is by convincing dopes like you to jump in front of an oncoming train.
- Avoid the guy who tells you, “Seriously, all I do is work and then go home and lift.” He’s telling you the truth—and he’s as dumb as a stone.
- Avoid anyone who sits within eye-line of your desk: They know what time you show up and what time you leave—and chances are they think you’re a lazy punk.
- Avoid anyone who is ten years older than you are—and is still more junior in the reporting structure. He hates you more than you could ever imagine.
- Avoid the guy who posts Facebook pictures of himself getting arrested at the Saint Patrick’s Day parade. The guy is fearless—and he thinks you’re a complete coward.
- Avoid the guy who hangs his suit coat on the back of his chair to show off his suspenders. He either still thinks it’s 1985 or he’s trying to compensate for something.
- Avoid the guy who can drink all night, take a shower, and come into the office as crisp as a $100 bill. He’s got an oxlike constitution—and it will be fatal to your career to try to emulate his example.
- Avoid the guy who keeps telling you: “Without the back office, you overpaid clowns wouldn’t even have a job.” He’s right—but you don’t need to hear it.
- Avoid the guy who won’t share his Adderall: It just speaks to his character.
- Avoid anyone on Wall Street dumb enough to pick a fight with Bess Levin.
- Avoid the guy who gets drunk and loves to brag about never losing in arbitration: He’s going to get indicted. (Trust me on this one.)
Thanks to Dan F. for feeding the lead
PSA: “Weddings by Costco” … why not?
March 9, 2011HomaFiles is a non-commercial site that doesn’t accept advertising and doesn’t endorse specific products.
But, if we did, you can bet that “Weddings by Costco” would be in our strike zone.
Costco has sold coffins for years … ‘bout time they fot into weddings.
Be sure to email to a friend who’s getting married …
More proof that Sarah Palin is a mean person.
February 1, 2011Palin got criticized last week for her reaction to President Obama’s State of the Union Address.
She simply noted that the President coined the slogan “Winning the Future” … and suggested the obvious: perhaps we should all start wearing buttons with the slogan’s initials “WTF”.
Well, liberal pundits hammered her for being crude and divisive.
Hmmm.
They didn’t squawk when Vice President Biden called ObamaCare a “BFD”.
Double standard, anybody ?
New Year’s resolutions spells trouble for at least one business …
January 6, 2011From the Leno monologue …
The top things people give up for the new year are junk food, alcohol, smoking, and gambling.
So basically, people are giving up on 7-Eleven.
HIGH ALERT: To the lifeboats … Guam may capsize!
October 28, 2010Thanks to U.S. Rep. Hank Johnson from Georgia’s Fourth Congressional District.
Since he is running for re-election , I have an excuse to reprise one of y favorite posts …
* * * * *
I got a laugh out this one …
The pay-off comes right after the geography lesson.
Keep in mind: the questioner is a US Congressman ( YIPES !)
Ask yourself: How can the Admiral who is being questioned keep a straight face
Our government at work …
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNZczIgVXjg&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNZczIgVXjg&feature=player_embedded
Original post:
https://kenhoma.wordpress.com/2010/04/02/high-alert-to-the-lifeboats-guam-may-capsize/
I worked so hard to get that title …
October 26, 2010From David Zucker, producer of “Airplane”, “Naked Gun”, and other spoofs …
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixiYZ9DPk8o&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixiYZ9DPk8o&feature=player_embedded
Men only: dance moves guaranteed to attract the ladies …
September 10, 2010Excerpted from: Digital Journal, Study: Certain male dance moves attract women, Sept. 8, 2010
Researchers in the UK have discovered what moves women find attractive while watching men dance.
The study used computerized 3D avatar figures to see what “key movement areas of the male dancer’s body influence female perceptions.”
There were eight “movement variables” that the women found to be either good or bad in a male dancer, including the size and variability of neck, torso, left shoulder and wrist movement – and the right knee’s speed of movement.
The women liked seeing “large and varied movements involving the neck and torso.”
“The dance moves may form honest signals of a man’s reproductive quality, in terms of health, vigor or strength.”
“This is the first study to show objectively what differentiates a good dancer from a bad one.
“If a man knows what the key moves are, he can improve his chances of attracting females.”
Watch the video at:
http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/297221
GOP ad: Dems “Slatering” off Airforce One
August 26, 2010From the NY Post …
Steven Slater is now a national political punch line.
Remember Slater?
He’s the JetBlue flight attendant who flipped out on a flight landing at John F. Kennedy International Airport and quit his job out the emergency exit, carrying a couple of beers.
A new Republican spoof video shows congressional Democrats running from President Obama by bailing out of Air Force One – using the emergency slide.
“I’m coming to your hometowns!” a cartoon Obama says, before the bright yellow chute pops open and Democrats start to flee.
* * * * *
See the ad at:
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2010/08/18/2010-08-18_gop_ad_shows_dems_sliding_off_bam_plane.html
The Thrill is gone … at least in Martha’s Vineyard
August 25, 2010Gotta love it …
On Martha’s Vineyard, “Miss me yet?” t-shirts are outselling ones touting Obama.
As Martha’s Vineyard braces for the first family’s visit — their second summer stay here since President Obama took office — the excitement that marked last summer’s arrival of the fresh-faced commander in chief seems to have ebbed like the tide.
One barometer of the plunge in excitement has been the sale of Obama-themed T-shirts, which designers had been banking on after the craze of last year. Clothing labeled with the president’s name sold by the thousands, helping to salvage a tough economic year for the island.
But this year’s T-shirt sales are much less brisk, merchants say.
“Last year, Obama gave you goose bumps, but I don’t think you’re going to see that this year,’’ said Alex McCluskey, co-owner of the Locker Room, who sold more than 4,000 “I vacationed with Obama’’ T-shirts last year.
But so far this year, he said, his hot item is T-shirts of former President Bush asking, “Miss me yet? … How’s that Hope & Change Thing Working Out for You?’’
Vineyard buzzes less for Obamas’ second visit
http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2010/08/18/vineyard_buzzes_less_for_obamas_second_visit/?page=2
As President Obama turns 49 … courtesy of the late shows.
August 9, 2010Letterman: The president is 49 years old, but it’s never a good sign when your age is higher than your political approval rating.
Leno: They got him a huge cake. He didn’t blow out the candles, he just taxed them until they gave up on their own.
Fallon: Today was President Obama’s birthday. All the Democrats were like “How old are you now,” while the Republicans were like “And where were you born?”
Policy dispute results in 50,000 cattle guards being fired …
July 27, 2010This is being internet-blasted … unlikely, but funny …
* * * * *
A few months ago, President Obama received a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in Colorado .
Colorado ranchers had protested some proposed government imposed changes in grazing policies, so the President ordered the Secretary of the Interior to fire half of the “cattle guards” immediately!!
Before the Secretary of the Interior could respond and presumably try to straighten him out, Vice-President, Joe Biden, intervened with a request that … before any “cattle guards” were fired, they be given six months of retraining.
At least they didn’t file a lawsuit against the Colorado cattle.
* * * * *
For those of you who have never traveled to the west, or southwest, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing over that area. For some reason the cattle will not step on the “guards,” probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails.
"Let him eat! Let him eat!"
July 6, 2010The decorum of the annual Coney Island hot dog eating contest was disrupted when a former chanp dog-eater stormed the stage.
Is nothing sacred ?
* * * * *
ITN: Tsumani storms the stage at hot dog eating contest, Jul 5 2010
Competitive eater Joey “Jaws” Chestnut gobbled his way to a fourth consecutive championship un the annual Nathan’s Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest.
Champion Chestnut downed 54 hot dogs in ten minutes to win the annual Nathan’s Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest.
Chestnut was disappointed with his performance, despite claiming the bejewelled, mustard-yellow prize belt plus a $20,000 purse.
The 26-year-old from San Jose, California, was aiming for a record 70 dogs in ten minutes, beating his own record of 68 last year.
The event was marred when Chestnut was suddenly upstaged by the surprise appearance of his biggest rival: six-time champion Takeru Kobayashi, who did not compete but crashed the stage after Chestnut’s win and wrestled with police. He has been charged with resisting arrest, trespass and obstructing governmental administration.
“Let him eat! Let him eat!” the crowd chanted as police handcuffed the world’s Number three professional eater, dubbed “The Tsunami.”
32-year-old Kobayashi did not eat this year because he refused to sign a contract with Major League Eating, the fast food equivalent of the NFL.
Full article:
http://itn.co.uk/5249dbb22d318bd642d2288f15577336.html
Finally, an event sponsorship that won’t make you barf …
June 30, 2010Pepto-Bismol is joining the list of sponsors for Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest.
It will be the first stomach remedy product associated with the event.
Held since 1916, the hog-dog eating contest is an iconic summer ritual in which contestants scarf down as many wieners as possible in 10 minutes. Last year’s winner, Joey Chestnut of San Jose, Calif., swallowed 68 hot dogs and buns.
Nationwide, nearly 1.5 million households tuned into ESPN’s live television broadcast of the circuslike event last year.
Source: WSJ, JUNE 24, 2010 Famed Hot-Dog Event Gets a New Sponsor
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704911704575327031542864968.html
Thanks to JMH for feeding the lead.
* * * * *
Late Breaking
Major League Eating recently announced a ban on vuvuzelas, the plastic horns whose hums have provided a constant backdrop during FIFA World Cup matches.
No kidding re: the name of the organization or the ban.
Bold Move: CA stops use of welfare debit cards in casinos
June 25, 2010Gov. Schwarzenegger has issued an executive order barring California welfare recipients from using state-issued debit cards at casino ATMs.
The order followed a report by The Los Angeles Times that found CalWORKS cards were used to withdraw cash in more than half the casinos in the state.
The newspaper reported that welfare recipients have withdrawn more than $1.8 million in taxpayer cash at casinos since October.
Schwarzenegger’s order requires welfare recipients to sign a pledge that they will use their benefits only to meet the basic needs of their families.
Source: AP, Shwarzenegger bans welfare cards at casinos, June 24, 2010
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/24/AR2010062406172.html
Smackdown: Hulk Hogan vs. the Flintstones
June 18, 2010Punch line: Wrestling superstar Hulk Hogan says a Cocoa Pebbles commercial degrades his image.
Gotta be stopped ! Otherwise, some jabrone will start claiming that wrestling is fake. Go Hulk !
* * * * *
Excerpted from: Tampa Tribune: Yabba-Dabba-Sue! Hulk Hogan files suit against Cocoa Pebbles maker, May 21, 2010
Hulk Hogan is suing the maker of Cocoa Pebbles, accusing the company of appropriating his image in commercials for the cereal.
In the “Cocoa Smashdown” commercial, a cartoon character resembling Hogan easily beats Fred and Barney inside the ring. But then Bamm-Bamm steps in and pounds the blond-haired, mustachioed wrestler to bits.
Hulk, the federal lawsuit states, “is shown humiliated and cracked into pieces with broken teeth.'”
The commercial character goes by the name “Hulk Boulder,” which Hogan’s lawsuit says is a name he used early in his career until wrestling promoter Vince McMahon decided he should have an Irish name.
The wrestler contends he has been harmed by, among other things, “the unauthorized and degrading depictions.”
Source article:
http://www2.tbo.com/content/2010/may/21/211702/yabba-dabba-doo-hulk-hogan-sues-cocoa-pebbles-make/news-breaking/
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To view commercial click pic or link below
Those who can’t do, teach … those who can’t teach, blog … ouch !
June 14, 2010A WSJ ‘Best of the Web’ caught my eye.
Title: “Those Who Can’t Teach, Blog”
For obvious reasons, it made me cringe a bit.
Turned out that it had nothing to do with folks like me.
It was reporting on a Philly HS teacher who took a political disagreement with a student public on her blog.
Whew !
But it did make me think …
* * * * *
WSJ: Those Who Can’t Teach, Blog, June11, 2010
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703509404575300600624245226.html?mod=WSJ_Opinion_MIDDLETopOpinion
Those who can’t do, teach … those who can’t teach, blog … ouch !
June 14, 2010A WSJ ‘Best of the Web’ caught my eye.
Title: “Those Who Can’t Teach, Blog”
For obvious reasons, it made me cringe a bit.
Turned out that it had nothing to do with folks like me.
It was reporting on a Philly HS teacher who took a political disagreement with a student public on her blog.
Whew !
But it did make me think …
* * * * *
WSJ: Those Who Can’t Teach, Blog, June11, 2010
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703509404575300600624245226.html?mod=WSJ_Opinion_MIDDLETopOpinion
Still more trouble for tanning salons …
April 27, 2010These guys just can’t catch a break … now they get hit by studies that tanning can be as addictive as drugs. Oh my.
* * * * *
Excerpted from Washington Post, Study: Indoor tanning may be addictive, April 20, 2010
Researchers reported in the Archives of Dermatology that as many as a third of young people who use indoor tanning facilities may be addicted to the behavior.
Among people who said they had used indoor tanning facilities in the past, 69 percent met criteria for addiction.
Among those who scored positive for addiction, 78 percent said they had tried to cut down on the time spent tanning but couldn’t, and 78 percent said they felt guilty about using tanning beds or booths too much.
Further, 26 percent said that, when they wake up in the morning, they want to use a tanning bed or booth, and nearly one in four admitted that they had missed scheduled activities — social, occupational or recreational — because they decided to go to a tanning facility.
The findings are the latest to suggest that tanning, whether natural or indoors, activates the same parts of the brain triggered by drug dependence.
Full article:
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/checkup/2010/04/study_indoor_tanning_may_be_ad.html?wprss=checkup
First ever face transplant …
April 26, 2010Precisely as presented on the Drudge Report …
Gotta wonder:
(1) Geithner or Bernanke ?
(2) Worth the effort ?
Reeling tanning salons take another direct hit …
April 23, 2010Punchline: The European Union declares vacationing a right and subsidizes holidays for the underprivileged so that they can hit the beach … the tanning salon guys just can’t catch a break these days.
* * * * *
Excerpted from WSJ: Cash for Tanners, April 23, 2010
The European Union’s “social tourism” project advocates subsidized holidays for the underprivileged, saying that visiting foreign countries is a “right,” and one that could soon be financed by EU taxpayers.
This gives a whole new meaning to the concept of “paid vacation.”
The EU last year launched a project to identify and promote measures to help the needy to go on holiday.
The project specifically targets the disabled, poor families, senior citizens and “youth,” a group that in geriatric Europe includes people up to 30 years of age.
Cash for tanners is also being touted as good economic policy.
At an EU meeting last week, Spanish Tourism Minister Miguel Sebastian said tourism “should be an asset all citizens can enjoy, in particular those with physical disabilities or financially disadvantaged.”
Full article:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704448304575195820988457124.html?mod=WSJ_Opinion_AboveLEFTTop
Loose women cause Quakes … with a capital "Q"
April 22, 2010I figure that if the Iranians can close in on a nuclear bomb, they must have a knack for science.
Intuitively, it makes sense that a whole lot of shakin’ could cause some quakin’ …. but seems it would take an enormous number of women being simultaneously “loose” to cause a Quake.
Maybe religion and science should stay out of each other’s knickers…
CNN: Iran cleric says Promiscuous women cause earthquakes,April 21, 2010
Iran suffers regular earthquakes, including a devastating one that destroyed the ancient city of Bam in 2003, killing tens of thousands.
A leading Iranian hard-line cleric has said that women who dress provocatively and tempt people into promiscuity are to blame for earthquakes,
The prayer leader, Hojatoleslam Kazim Sadeghi, says women and girls who “don’t dress appropriately” spread “promiscuity in society.”
“When promiscuity spreads, earthquakes increase.”
Full article:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/meast/04/20/iran.promiscuity.earthquakes/
Quick: Name a player on your favorite baseball team …
April 7, 2010I bet you could … but President Obama couldn’t.
In a TV interview, he declared the Chicago White Sox to be his favorite baseball team.
Then, he choked on a soft-toss question: “So, who’s your favorite White Sox player ?”
He couldn’t think of one, so he used the opportunity to inject a little class warfare and declare the Cubs (the Homa family’s favorite team) — simply for “wine sippers”.
Where’s the teleprompter when you need it ?
P.S. Before anybody asks: All-time favorite Sammie Sosa (he was framed on the steroids rap — and on the bat corking incident); current favorite Aramis Ramirez (he don’t need no juice to make the ball fly)
Short video … worth a look
HIGH ALERT: To the lifeboats … Guam may capsize!
April 2, 2010I got a laugh out this one …
The pay-off comes right after the geography lesson.
Keep in mind: the questioner is a US Congressman ( YIPES !)
Ask yourself: How can the Admiral who is being questioned keep a straight face
Our government at work …
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNZczIgVXjg&feature=player_embedded
Hat tip to Tags for feeding:
http://chicagoboyz.net/archives/12301.html
The "empathy decay rate" … and cocktail party acceleration.
March 5, 2010Bill Gross is the one of the world’s premier bon traders.
His view on bonds – I don’t care.
His views on cocktail parties — now, you’re talking.
* * * * *
Excerpted from PIMCO.com: I Don’t Care, March 2010
Cocktail parties wouldn’t be so bad if there was something original to be said, or if “you” had a genuine interest in “me” as opposed to “you,” but let’s face it folks, no one does.
The only reason any of us really cares about cocktail conversations is to quickly redirect someone else’s stories into autobiographies that we assume to be instant bestsellers if only in print.
You can bet that unless there’s a requested personal favor coming, 90 seconds into a typical conversation, no one gives a damn about you and your problems.
During that unbearable minute-and-a-half, however, you’re likely to have covered some of the following topics:
- Where are you from? (If it’s not a place where I’ve been or have a distant second cousin – don’t care.)
- How’s the family? (If Johnnie is in advanced placement courses and my kids aren’t – don’t care. Don’t care about your kids’ soccer games either or that upcoming wedding.)
- Medical problems? (Unless you’re dying from cancer – people don’t really care. Your artificial hip and kidney stone stories are important only to let them tell you about their’s.)
- How’s work? (Forgot where you work, but it’s a good lead in. Don’t really care though unless you can direct some business my way.)
- Can you believe Tiger? (Now there’s something I care about, but the wife is only five feet away.)
Thank god for the, the “afterparty” — driving home with your partner and dissing all of the guests.
Full article:
http://www.pimco.com/LeftNav/Featured+Market+Commentary/IO/2010/Investment+Outlook+March+2010+Bill+Gross+Dont+Care.htm
Frogs threatened by “gender bending” chemical castration … Kermit frets, Miss Piggy squeals.
March 4, 2010The good news: Scientists not sure if atrazine affects humans in a similar way.
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Excerted from USA TODAY, Tap water contaminant ‘castrates’ frogs, March 3, 2010
An herbicide that contaminates the tap water consumed by millions of Americans has been found to produce gender-bending effects in male frogs, “chemically castrating” some and turning others into females.
Frogs in an experiment were exposed to amounts of the weedkiller atrazine that are comparable to the levels allowed in drinking water by the EPA.
The atrazine caused male frogs to begin growing eggs in their testes … nearly all of the other males had low testosterone and sperm levels … 10% of the males actually changed sex … some were able to breed and lay eggs.
The experiment can’t tell scientists whether atrazine affects humans in a similar way.
Full article:
http://www.usatoday.com/tech/science/2010-03-02-1Aatrazine02_ST_N.htm
Thanks to LKJ for feeding the lead …
Miss me yet ? … Put one in the “W” column.
February 23, 2010The cheery image of former President George W. Bush appeared on a billboard in Minnesota earlier this month, next to the words, “Miss me yet?”
It appears a lot of people think it’s a fair question.
The online store CafePress saw a spike in demand for items featuring the same image as the billboard. Ten “Miss Me Yet?” items were on the company’s list of its top-selling designs.
“There were no Obama-themed designs on the list … Bush has stolen the political spotlight, just like Sarah Palin did the week before when she re-surfaced with crib notes written in her palm.”
Obama-themed merchandise saturated the Washington area around the time of the president’s inauguration last year, but by the fall, the enthusiasm for Obama caps, t-shirts, commemorative plates and so forth, seemed to fizzle.
U.S. News and World Report noted earlier this month that even the Obama Store, located in tourist-filled Union Station, has closed, in what “may be the most tangible sign yet that the [Obama] honeymoon is over.”
From CBS News: “Miss Me Yet?” Bush Merchandise a Hit Online, February 17, 2010
http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2010/02/17/politics/politicalhotsheet/entry6216739.shtml
Woulda been different if he was the head of a union …
February 22, 2010This is great from a couple of different angles:
First, the headline at Drudge “OUT THE BACK DOOR DALAI; DON’T SLIP ON THE GARBAGE!”
Second, the picture itself … a living poster re: how to disrespect a guest.
continued below the picture
http://www.gettyimages.co.nz/detail/96834730/AFP
Third, the picture’s caption.
“Exiled Tibetan spiritual leader the Dalai Lama (L) walks out the doors of the Palm Room of the White House after meeting with US President Barack Obama.”
Note that it IDs the Dalai as the guy on the left. But, the guy on the left looks like Chin Ho Kelly from Hawaii-Five-O not the Dalai. The Dalai is the guy in the middle … right ?
Have a seat next to Sen. Franken, Sen. Mellencamp …
February 19, 2010From the ‘you can’t make this stuff up’ files: A movement has sprung up urging rocker John Cougar Mellencamp to make a bid for Evan Bayh’s Democratic Indiana senate seat. Even endorsed by film critic Roger Ebert. Geez.
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Excerpted from Christian Science Monitor: John Mellencamp – Replacement for Evan Bayh in Senate?, Feb. 18, 2010
As Indiana Democratic leaders scramble to replace Evan Bayh in the US Senate race, one name is emerging from left field: rock musician John Mellencamp.
Grassroots efforts are urging Mr. Mellencamp to take the leap. On MSNBC , Katrina Van Heuvel, editor of The Nation, suggested that Mellencamp could be a “populist candidate” as someone “who worked very hard for farmers who faced foreclosures” and “a Heartland son of Indiana.”
Chicago film critic Roger Ebert suggested a Mellencamp candidacy via Twitter Monday.
Mellencamp is revered in his home state, where he continues to live, record music, and raise a family. Best known for hits like “Jack and Diane,” and “R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.,” he is also a staunch Democrat who campaigned for Barack Obama.
Mellencamp’s music is known for its populist themes, which have roots in his upbringing in rural Indiana, where his grandparents were farmers.
His stature in the state is formidable, but not enough for some experts to say that he has a chance if picked to run in the November midterm election.
Full article:
http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Politics/The-Vote/2010/0217/John-Mellencamp-Replacement-for-Evan-Bayh-in-Senate
Take a bus, Tubby … so says Southwest.
February 16, 2010Entertainer Kevin Smith was thrown off a Southwest Airlines flight for being too fat to fly.
Flight attendants determined he was too big to lower the armrest comfortably and tossed him from the flight.
The airline said that he was infringing on the “safety and comfort” of other passengers.
According to Southwest Airlines an overweight passenger can block the emergency exits from other passengers trying to quickly exit the plane.
The airline also says that passengers seated next to overweight people will be uncomfortable.
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Note that Google embeds a Southwest ad with this article. Oops.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2701833/southwest_airlines_says_kevin_smith.html?cat=51
A picture is worth a thousand words on the teleprompter…
January 26, 2010While speaking to a crowd (?) of 6th graders … cue the teleprompter.
Here’s Jon Stweart’s take
http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2010/01/26/jon_stewart_mocks_obama_for_teleprompter_in_classroom.html
From ‘coffee’ to ‘ignoranus’ … some uncommon definitions.
January 20, 2010The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words … and common definitions to not so common words:
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
5. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
6. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
7. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
8. Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
9. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
10. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
11. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
12. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
12. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
13. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
14. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an #@$!**#@.
Save the planet … eat Fluffy !
December 23, 2009One View: “Everyone should work out their own environmental impact. I should be allowed to say that I walk instead of using my car and that I don’t eat meat, so why shouldn’t I be allowed to have a little cat to alleviate my loneliness?”
And, another …
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Excerpted from AFP: Polluting pets: the devastating impact of man’s best friend, Dec 20, 2009
According to the book “Time to Eat the Dog: The Real Guide to Sustainable Living”, man’s best friend could be one of the environment’s worst enemies, according to a new study which says the carbon pawprint of a pet dog is more than double that of a gas-guzzling sports utility vehicle.
A medium-sized dog eats around 164 kilos (360 pounds) of meat and 95 kilos of cereal a year.
Combine the land required to generate its food and a “medium” sized dog has an annual footprint of 0.84 hectares (2.07 acres) — around twice the 0.41 hectares required by a 4×4 driving 10,000 kilometres (6,200 miles) a year, including energy to build the car.
“Owning a dog really is quite an extravagance, mainly because of the carbon footprint of meat.”
Other animals aren’t much better for the environment.
Cats have an eco-footprint of about 0.15 hectares, slightly less than driving a Volkswagen Golf for a year.
“If pussy is scoffing ‘Fancy Feast’ — or some other food made from choice cuts of meat — then the relative impact is likely to be high.”
“If, on the other hand, the cat is fed on fish heads and other leftovers from the fishmonger, the impact will be lower.”
Two hamsters equate to a plasma television and even the humble goldfish burns energy equivalent to two mobile telephones.
And pets’ environmental impact is not limited to their carbon footprint, as cats and dogs devastate wildlife, spread disease and pollute waterways, the Vales say.
With a total 7.7 million cats in Britain, more than 188 million wild animals are hunted, killed and eaten by feline predators per year, or an average 25 birds, mammals and frogs per cat.
Likewise, dogs decrease biodiversity in areas they are walked, while their feces cause high bacterial levels in rivers and streams, making the water unsafe to drink, starving waterways of oxygen and killing aquatic life.
And cat poop can be even more toxic than doggy doo — owners who flush their litter down the toilet ultimately infect sea otters and other animals with toxoplasma gondii, which causes a killer brain disease.
As with buying a car, humans are also encouraged to take the environmental impact of their future possession/companion into account.
But the best way of compensating for that paw or clawprint is to make sure your animal is dual purpose, the Vales urge. Get a hen, which offsets its impact by laying edible eggs, or a rabbit, prepared to make the ultimate environmental sacrifice by ending up on the dinner table.
“Rabbits are good, provided you eat them.”
Full article:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20091220/lf_afp/lifestyleclimatewarminganimalsfood
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Thanks to Coop for stringing the lead
Scratch your head before clicking thru to any of these sites …
December 22, 2009From a compendium of the worst unintentional website url addresses:
1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com
9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com
* * * * *
Source article:
http://independentsources.com/2006/07/12/worst-company-urls/
Thanks to Butchy for stringing the lead.
What’s the best part of this story? … “Drunk 4-Year-Old Steals Christmas Presents”
December 21, 2009Here are the choices:
- Beer in hand
- Wearing a dress
- Dad in jail
- Safety devices on doors
- Jacked the presents
- “An honest mistake
- Add your own …
* * * * *
Source: WTVC-TV, Chattanooga, Tenn., December 16, 2009
A 4-year-old boy, beer in hand, is accused of stealing Christmas presents from his neighbors.
April Wright, 21 years old, is currently going through a divorce with her husband who is in jail.
She says she is not sure how her 4-year-old managed to get out of the house, open a beer, and steal the neighbors presents from under their tree.
Now she’s just glad he’s okay and says she won’t let it happen again.
The child, Hayden, was found at 1:45 am Tuesday, wandering the streets of his neighborhood. In a police reports, officers said he was wearing a little girl’s dress and drinking a beer. The police report says the child had to be taken to the hospital to be treated for alcohol consumption.
Wright says she woke up that night at 1:45 am and panicked when she discovered Hayden was gone. She says she put safety devices on all the doors so her kids couldn’t get out, but Hayden was able to break the safety device off the doorknob and get outside.
The Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office report says Hayden rang the doorbell a few houses down and the neighbor answered, finding the child holding a partially consumed 12-ounce beer.
But it doesn’t stop there. The report said Hayden then snuck into a neighbor’s house through an unlocked front door, and stole five wrapped Christmas gifts. One was a girl’s brown dress which Hayden was wearing when police found him.
“Kids do things like this and it’s out of your control. You can do the best you can as a mother, but everyone makes mistakes. It was an honest mistake,” Wright said.
http://www.newschannel9.com/news/year-987196-old-christmas.html
Thanks to Lo for stringing the lead
Need a chuckle today ?
December 14, 2009Making the email rounds … at least one will make you chuckle. Guaranteed.
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The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.
Question: Was that a good thing?
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Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks.
TakeAway: Watch your ass.
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You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Best case: Fall asleep in front of the TV,
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The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
Question: Any Queens have a moustache?
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Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!
Solution: Don’t let your skin die.
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The first owner of the Marlboro Company and the first ‘Marlboro Man’ both died of lung cancer.
Observation: Maybe there is justice in the world.
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Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne “particles” resulting from the flush.
Solution: Move the toilet.
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Turtles can breathe through their butts.
Observation: I know some people that seem to talk thru their butts …
* * * *
Thanks to James W. for the source material
Now, this is funny … Jon Stewart on counting jobs saved or created.
December 11, 2009I haven’t been a big Jon Stewart fan, but he may have started to win me over with this clip.
WARNING: for mature audiences.
click picture or link below to view
http://vodpod.com/watch/2655813-the-daily-show-with-jon-stewartamerican-idle?pod=
Freakin’omics: What Spitzer can teach Tiger …
December 4, 2009Eliott Spitzer (a.k.a. “Client–9”) raised eyebrows when it was leaked that he paid a pro $4,500 for a night of transgression(s).
At the time, $4,500 a pop sounded like a lot of money to most folks.
Well, Tiger Woods, has taken the game to a new level.
The Daily Beast reports that the beleaguered golfer is negotiating an immediate $5 million “sorry” payment to his wife — and revising her prenup to give her a “retention bonus” of $55 million more to stay with him two more years.
Let’s see. The tramp that went public says she and Tiger “got together” about 20 times. There’s speculation that there were at least 2 other Tiger-pleasers in play. Let’s assume that Tiger teed off 20 times with each of them, too.
OK, $60 million divided by 60 “dates” …
Holy smoke … $1 million a shot !!!!
Now, that’s freakin’omics.
* * * * *
P.S. Since we’re talking incentive pay and retention bonuses, shouldn’t the Fed pay czar have a crack at the deal?
* * * * *
Source article:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-12-03/new-details-on-tigers-prenup/?cid=hp:mainpromo1
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PROMISE: This is my last Tiger post …
Timing is everything … Tiger offers Barack 10 tips … on what exactly?
December 3, 2009First, I’m NOT one of the people who is tired of the Tiger Woods’ accident and affairs coverage. My opinion: no such thing as too much coverage of this one.
Second, in great irony, el Tigre and President Obama share the cover of the already printed January issue of Golf Digest with a cover story titled, “10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger.”
Jokesters are having a blast conjecturing on the 10 tips. You don’t have to go much beyond the cover to get a few chuckles. The other feature stories “How to Outsmart Your Buddies” and, my favorite “Load It and Let It Go”. You just can’t make this stuff up.
(Clean) Tiger Jokes
This is the first time Tiger hit a tree and a water hazard on the same drive.
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 300 yards.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
Tiger was representing Nike: Just do it !
Elin found out he’s not a Tiger, he’s a Cheetah.
The Homa Files 